How to raise a kid in 10 easy steps

You didn't really think I had 10 easy steps did you?  Of course not. We have three children, a boy 14, and two girls ages 11 and 8.  I think they're pretty good kids, if a little timid in how they go after life, but they're getting better.  I think mostly they would categorize us as strict but fair parents.

One thing that we have learned is that you have to give your kids boundaries from when they are very little.  You can't start trying to reel them in when they are 12 and 13.  But I think kids, even babies, know that a boundary, or a limit or when you say "No!" means that you are really watching out for them and that you care.  Now of course, you can't say no all the time to every little thing.  It can't be No, you are not wearing those socks or wearing your hair like that or no you absolutely can't do this or that.  Parents have to be pretty selective in what you say no to, and I always reserved it for the very dangerous life threatening things.  Like running out into the street or throwing a tantrum in a store, and believe me, it's pretty embarrassing when you are in line at the Safeway and your darling dumpling all of a sudden sprouts horns and turns purple screaming that he wants a bag of candy.  Having been in this situation with each of my kids, it's okay for you to say firmly and loudly even, "HEY!  I said no, and you are NOT allowed to yell at me like that!  Collect yourself or we are leaving the store until you do."  I never once had to leave.  And they never threw a tantrum in a store demanding something again.  However, last summer, while doing some last minute school shopping with my kids and they were peppering me with I want this and I want that and I hope you're not buying her that and me not this, that I actually had to implement a modification of this technique.  I gave them one warning, and when they did not listen, I said, "Okay, that's it.  We're leaving." And we did, leaving all their stuff in a cart. 

Parenting was cruising along okay, and then we seemed to hit a patch where all of a sudden everyone was worried about their kids self esteem.  As if children don't already think that they are the lords of the universe. I mean, we're their parents.  We think everything they do is perfect for the most part and it's tough to reel them in when you need to.  But you have to come down hard on them sometimes or they just think you're a joke.  They'll push you and prod you to see what they can get away with.  They are so, so smart and manipulative.  And I don't mean that in a bad way.  It's just how they are.